Section 2
The following chapter provides a summary of the tenets which describe the status of men
and women and their mutual relationships according to The Quran. All these directives have
been explained in the previous letters, but there they are all scattered. In this chapter
all the directives have been collected under different respective headings, so that
whichever topic one seeks guidance on can be referred to at a glance. These laws have been
explained in detail in the previous letters; here they have been presented without
elaboration, except in places where an explanation is considered necessary.
1. Status of Man and Woman
1. Man and woman are branches springing from the same origin, so biologically they do
not have any priority over each other.
God created all of you from a single cell, from which He then made
pairs (7:189).
2. Man and woman are part of each other.
All you men and women are from each other (3:159).
3. According to the principle of division of labour, men are endowed with certain
qualities which women lack, and women, too, have been blessed with certain abilities which
men do not have. By virtue of these qualities, men have superiority over women, and women
have superiority over men.
God has given men and women priority over one another (4:32; 4:34).
4. History tells us that the idea of a man being superior to woman developed when the
concept of owning private property became a norm in society. Man made himself the owner of
the private property, rendering the woman economically dependent on him. The Quran stopped
this exploitation by ordering that men and women were the owners of their respective
earnings.
What man earns will be his and whatever the woman earns will belong
to her (4:32).
In the same manner The Quran fixed a woman's share of inheritance separate from the
man. (This will be discussed again later).
5. Everyone should be rewarded for his or her actions.
I will not waste the deeds of anyone, may it be a man or
woman(3:195).
6. It is incorrect to claim that Eve was deceived by Satan, and that she then led Adam
astray. According to The Quran, Adam and Eve are not specific names given to a Man or a
Woman. (Eve has not even been mentioned in The Quran by her name). Adam and his wife have
been mentioned, and they stand for the men and women of the human species. This leaves us
with Satan's enticing, and The Quran is quite explicit in this respect. It says: Satan
lured both of them (2:36). Hence the thinking that woman started to sin and that she is
responsible for man's shortcomings, is quite erratic. Both man and woman can err, and each
is responsible for his or her misdeeds.
7. All the qualities that have been attributed to Momin men, also belong to Momin
women.
Men and women have equal qualities and propensities and, as such, those who have
accepted Islam, those immersed in Islam; those who are restrained, truthful and steadfast;
those who do not violate the limitations set by God; those who keep their sexual urges
within limits; and those who live within the boundaries of God's Laws, they all stand an
equal chance to reap the benefits of their good deeds or to be punished for their bad
deeds, and all deserve God's protection from adversity (33:35).
8. Despite the basic common qualities, there is a difference between the natural duties
of men and women, and these should always be kept in mind. According to natural division
of labour, women are supposed to bear and rear children and look after their elementary
training. These duties consume so much of their time and energy that they are rendered
incapable of earning a living. On the contrary men have no such hurdles. That is why, in
respect of the natural division of labour, The Quran says:
Regarding those qualities due to which one sex has superiority over the other (that
is, men over women and women over men), men are responsible for earning the daily bread.
This is not mandatory for women. Out of their earnings men are required to fulfil all the
needs of women (4:34).
The income is to remain available for all household needs. It is not that because man
has earned it, the income belongs to him and he gives her something out of it as charity.
It is just the division of labour; man is doing one thing and the woman another. When a
woman's needs are fulfilled in this manner, she will be able to develop the capabilities
she is endowed with and utilize these according to the directions given by God.
2. Nikah (Marriage)
1. The love of a wife and of children is a great attraction for man. Therefore woman
should not be considered an object of hate.
The love of wife and children has been made attractive for men
(3:145).
2. This relationship is bonded through Nikah (marriage). Nikah is a contract which both
the parties execute to lead a life as husband and wife within the boundaries of God's
laws.
This is a strong and binding contract (4:21).
3. This contract (Nikah) can be executed only by a mature man and a mature woman and
never by minors. The Quran itself calls 'maturity' the age at which 'Nikah' could be
performed. Hence in Surah An-Nisa, the chapter called 'Women', it is directed:
When you become guardians of orphans, you should look after them
until they reach the age of 'Nikah'; and then if you see that they have attained mental
maturity, let them have their money and property (4:6).
Here you have been told to let the orphans have their belongings when they reach the
age of Nikah. Surah Al-Inam tells us:
Do not have ill intentions towards the belongings of orphans and have
their welfare at heart till they reach the age of maturity (6:152;17:34).
It is obvious that 'the age of Nikah' is maturity. According to The Quran, until a boy
or girl is mature, they do not attain the age of Nikah. The Quran, as such, does not allow
the marriage of minors, as they have not yet reached the age of Nikah.
4. Nikah is to be performed with the consent of both man and woman. Therefore, men are
directed to marry those women whom they like (4:3), and as regards women, men are
directed:
It is absolutely wrong for you to take women forcibly or against
their will (4:19).
For Nikah it is necessary that you like the other person. To like the other person,
just good looks should not be aimed at. The Quran emphasizes mental compatibility as much
as possible.
5. If a woman of marriageable age does not want to negotiate this contract herself, she
can delegate the authority to somebody else to do so (2:237).
In Surah Al-Baqarah, there is some reference to somebody who can do things on her
behalf. This means a person in whom she willingly invests the power to speak on her
behalf. Therefore the Nikah of a minor, through a guardian, is not possible.
6. A person who cannot afford a marriage, (or who cannot get a wife), is advised to
exercise control over himself.
If a person cannot arrange for or afford Nikah he should keep himself
restrained (24:33).
Sexual intercourse is absolutely illegitimate outside Nikah.
7. A Momin man cannot marry a non-believing woman, and neither can a believing woman
marry a non-Muslim (2:221). Its reason has been stated previously.
8. Muslim men can marry the women from those people to whom the Book has been revealed
(5:5). However, this is only a conditional permission, and all national interests and
obligations have to be considered.
9. Nikah to the following women is absolutely forbidden: Mother, real or step;
daughter; sister; father's sister; mother's sister; brother's daughter; sister's daughter;
a girl who has nursed at the same woman's breast which the boy has; nursing mother; wife's
mother; and wife's daughter from her first husband, if the daughter has been reared
through her. However, if after Nikah, one has not had any sexual relation with his wife
and he divorces her, then he can marry her daughter conceived from a former husband.
Simultaneously taking two sisters as one's wives is forbidden. You can neither marry your
real son's wife, nor a woman who is already married to somebody else (4:22-24).
Nikah does not aim at being a license for sex, rather it behests all the
responsibilities that married life entails. If a man uses a woman for his sexual pleasure
only, and does not fulfil and respect the responsibilities and restrictions which Nikah
entails, then according to the Quran, this is not a Nikah in the real sense of the word.
The Quran explains it in verse (4:24). This verse means to observe the restrictions and
discipline and not sexual satisfaction only. The root of this word is "Safah",
meaning to let it flow.
10. Nikah places equal right and obligations on the shoulders of both men and women.
As a rule, a woman, too, has as many rights as her responsibilities
(2:228).
11. The husband and wife should be supportive and confidants of each other. Nothing
should come between them.
They (men) are like raiment to you, and you (women) the same to them
(2:187).
12. A husband and wife's relationship should be so pleasant that their home is like a
haven of peace, harmony and tranquillity. Azwaj (couples) are meant to be congruent, and
The Quran says: so they are a source of solace to each other. They should nurture love,
caring and companionship for each other (30:21).
13. This attitude expands relationships. That is why the Quran has talked about
relations with your own family, and with the family of your in-laws (25:54).
14. If a man gets so preoccupied with the needs and love of his wife and children, that
he ignores God's prescribed boundaries and fails to decipher between the legitimate and
illegitimate, then the same wife and children could become his doom and destruction. That
is why The Quran warns:
O Momins, surely some among your wives and children are in fact your
enemies. Be careful of them (64:14).
If, for their sake, you start hoarding wealth by hook or by crook then these same
riches could annihilate your world, and the hereafter, too (64:15). That is why it is
said:
If these worldly assets make the man forget the laws of God, then he
would be heading straight to hell (63:9).
If ever any worldly attraction becomes your stumbling block on the path of organizing a
society along the laws of God, then there is no doubt of your destruction.
It is, therefore, incumbent upon you to save yourself from this destruction-saving not
only yourself, but your family, too. Your duty towards them is not only to provide for
them, but to keep them safe from hell, too (66:6). (In this respect, you may refer to the
section of siblings).
15. Sexual intercourse is a normal human phenomenon, so The Quran did not find it
necessary to give any special instruction, except that there should be no such action
during a woman's monthly periods (2:222). Sex is aimed at human procreation only, as is
evident form this verse:
Your wives fare like your fields, (in which you sow seeds). Therefore
you till your fields whenever you like, (meaning when you want to sow the seed) (2:223).
Sex is forbidden during fasting, but is not forbidden during the nights of the month of
fasting (Ramadhan) (2:187). It is also not allowed during "Aitikaf" (a period
when you are attending round the clock special session or meetings for pondering over
serious state business or matters).
3. Dowry (Meher)
1. In life, the duties of a woman are such that she cannot spare enough time to follow
a career. The Quran thus wants to make an arrangement so as not to suppress her economic
freedom completely. As such there is a condition for Nikah, that when a man wants to
marry, he should give the woman something as a gift. This gift is generally called Meher.
The Quran has used three words for it, namely Sadaqa, Mataa and Ujur, and has referred to
it as wealth (4:24). However, it may not necessarily be in the shape of money.
2. The Meher is not a compensation for anything. It is rather to be presented as a
gift, without considering it as any kind of compensation. The Quran, therefore, has also
used the word "Nihlatah" for it (4:4), which means without "trading or
exchanging", just like a bee deposits honey in the hive without any thought of a
return.
3. The Quran has not fixed any amount for Meher. Whatever both the parties agree, with
mutual willingness, can be the Meher. Since the payment of Meher is essential, it should
be whatever a man can afford (2:236). However, on the excessive side, it could be a mound
of gold.
If you have given her a mound of gold, do not take it back (4:20).
4. The Meher should be paid at the time of Nikah, although, with the consent of the
woman, the payment could be made later. There is a verse in Surah Al-Baqarah which states
that if you divorce a woman before you have even touched her, and her Meher had been
fixed, you are required to give a half of it to her (2:237). It is clear from this verse,
that a situation where Meher has not been paid at the time of Nikah, can occur. (See No.6
below).
5. Meher belongs to the woman and nobody has a right to deprive her of it. However, of
her own free will the woman can let go a portion of it, or she can forfeit or write off
the whole of it. Therefore:
(i) In Surah An-Nisa, it is said, "that women should be paid their Meher
willingly, and without a thought of exchange, but if they forego a part of it, then
accepting it is lawful for you (4:4).
(ii) In the same Surah it has also been said that a higher or lower Meher could be
agreed later, with mutual willingness or with the help of arbitrators or courts.
(iii) Divorce before intimacy, as has been mentioned above, would entail paying half
the Meher but the woman, or her appointed spokesperson, or a relevant court, could forgive
it as well (2:237).
6. In a rare situation in which the Meher has not been agreed upon, then it should be
fixed according to the man's income and affordability (2:236).
4. Strained Relationship
Marriage depends upon a pleasant relationship. Sometimes, however, circumstances can
create a strained relationship between a husband and wife. The Quran tries its utmost to
each such strain so as not to let the relationship break.
1. One way in which relations can become strained is that in an angry mood, a man may
call his wife by a name, which he may later regret. For instance, in his anger he may call
her his mother, but after his anger subsides, he regrets it immensely. In Arabic, such
name calling is called Zahar. In fact The Quran says that such frivolous swears do not
mean anything. These should not be taken in the real sense of the word and it should not
mean that your married life has come to an end.
Allah does not hold you, over your unrealistic or frivolous swearing
(2:225).
At another place, The Quran says: Your wife does not become your mother just because
you have said so (33:4), although it does ask Momins to refrain from all kinds of
frivolous indecencies (33:3). These include the kind of swearing mentioned before. Since
this unrestrained anger in which a person says such insane things, pollutes the pleasant
atmosphere at home, it has to be stopped. Therefore The Quran has suggested some atonement
whereby before resuming conjugal relationship, one should:
(a) Free a slave. This order was meant for those times when the Arab society retained
slaves. If one does not have any slaves, then,
(b) One should fast continuously for two months; and
(c) If one is incapable of doing this, then one should feed sixty destitute people.
These are limits set by God. (58:4).
2. All the above refers to frivolous swearing when one is in an angry mood, but if a
man intentionally swears that he will not go near his wife, then he should be held to it.
This is referred to as 'llao' in Arabic, which means curtailing a woman's rights. In such
a situation where people have uttered such a swearing, The Quran gives them a period of
four months to revert from what they have said. If they do so, then it would not affect
their conjugal relationship (2:226), although they will have to give something to break
their swear. Normally, this would be either feeding or clothing ten destitute people or
else to free one slave. Anyone who is unable to do this should fast for three days (5:89).
If he has not reverted within four months, then this would be construed to mean that he
wants to break the relationship with a divorce. Details of the divorce procedure are given
later. Also refer to (2:227). All this highlights the fact that the attitude of people who
leave their wives dangling by neither resuming conjugal relations nor divorcing them,
clearly goes against Quranic education. They should make their decision within four
months, following which the divorce procedure should start.
3. Divorce means freeing oneself from the contract of Nikah. Since this contract was
made between two willing parties, namely a man and a woman, no body has the right to
revoke it, whenever one wants, by just saying "divorce, divorce, divorce". The
other person's rights have to be safeguarded, too. That is why The Quran does not leave
the decision to an individual. The society is ordered to take up this matter establish an
organization which decides on disputed issues. Now a days, this is either called the
government, or the court. In this respect The Quran directs:
If you see a mutual difference, a dispute or opposition or enmity and fear a break
between the husband and wife then constitute a board of arbitrators. This board should
have one representative from the woman's family, and one from the man's family. This board
should seek a reconciliation. If they do so, it is likely that the husband and wife might
come together again (4:35).
4. If the judges can persuade them to come together, then well and good, but if their
efforts fail, then obviously they will have to report to the organization that appointed
them. This court will decide whether a divorce should become effective and what the
conditions should be (these will be mentioned later).
The first verse in Surah At-Talaq (Divorce) reads:
O Messenger (PBUH), when you divorce your women, then ……(65:1).
Here the Nabi (PBUH) has been ordered to make divorce effective, and
"Tallaqtum" is a plural word. This shows that this is an order for deciding
the divorce cases of Muslims, who were in turn, ordered to get their disputed problems
resolved by the Nabi (PBUH) (4:65). In the city centre, the Messenger of God (PBUH) used
to decide on these matters himself, but in the suburbs and or far off locations,
subordinate officers used to arbitrate. The Quran calls them "those among you whom
you have to obey or listen to" (4:59). After the death of the Messenger of God
(PBUH), his successors (caliphs) were performing this duty. Therefore, in respect of
divorce, it is the court that makes the decision and the husband or wife cannot do so
individually. The court should announce its decision when the monthly period of the woman
expires, because 'Iddat' would be counted from the onwards (65:1). Iddat which normally
spans over three monthly periods (2:228), has been explained later.
5. When the couple have been divorced in the prescribed way, then the woman cannot
marry anyone else during the period of 'Iddat'. However, if both of them want to
reconcile, then the ex-husband can marry her again during this period (2:228). You have
seen that during 'Iddat' a woman is restricted from marrying another man, except her
former husband.
However, there is no limitation on the man. If he wants, could marry another woman the
very next day after the divorce. This is what is meant by this verse:
In all matters women have their privileges commensurate with their
duties. However, men have an advantage over them in this one respect (2:228).
6. If this divorced couple do not get re-married during the three month period then
following the announcement of the completion of the 'Iddat' in the presence of two just
witnesses (65:2), the woman is free to marry any other man. This would be called the first
divorce. It must also be made quite clear that the former husband and wife could remarry
after the period of 'Iddat'.
7. If following their re-marriage after the first divorce the former husband and wife
cannot sustain their second married life, so much so that they have to separate again,
then this would be counted as their second divorce. If they so wish, they would even be
allowed to marry again after the second divorce. However, if they re-marry and divorce
again, then this would be their third divorce. In other words, in their married life, the
same couple has now reached the status of the third divorce.
After the third divorce, they cannot marry each other again, whether during or after
Iddat. This is what the verse (2:229) means. The first two divorces are such that you can
keep the same woman after performing all the Nikah formalities, or she can be graciously
released from the marriage bond. However, this would not be allowed after the third
divorce.
On the other hand, if after the third divorce this woman gets married to another man,
and is then either widowed or divorced, then she can thereafter re-marry her former
husband (2:230).
8. It should be remembered though, that following the first divorce the man should not
have any ill intentions of trapping and pestering that woman again (2:231). On the other
hand, if this woman wants to marry her former husband again, then nobody should forbid her
from doing so (2:232). She should be free to willingly marry her former husband.
9. Until now the mention of a strained relationship has been in respect of complaints
from the husband. At the same time, The Quran instructs you as to what has to be done when
the woman has complaints. Surah 'An-Nisa' tells us that if a woman fears revolt or
neglect, then the first step should be towards a mutual compromise (4:128). It is obvious
that the procedures for reconciliation that was adopted when the wife revolted, has to be
resorted to (4:34). That is, appointing arbitrators to help achieve reconciliation.
If the arbitrators fail in their efforts then the couple will have to be separated
(4:30), as per the procedures which have already been explained. If the court witnesses
that the man wants to keep the marriage but the woman is transgressing then she will have
to forfeit something. This has been explained in detail in (2:229).
10. It has been mentioned earlier that 'Meher' is that wealth which a man gives to a
woman as a gift. It should normally be paid at the time of Nikah, but if the woman so
wishes, she can postpone its payment. As divorce reverses the relationship of marriage, if
the 'Meher' has not been paid before, then it should be decided upon at this point. For
this Quranic law is:
(A) If woman wants to continue the marriage and man insists on divorce, then nothing
should be returned from the Meher (4:20).
(B) If the divorce is decreed before the man has touched the woman, then he has to give
one-half of what was fixed as Meher. However, the woman or her attorney may agree to
forego something out of it, and the man, too, may decide to pay her the full Meher
(2:237).
(C ) If divorce has been decreed before the consummation for the marriage, and for some
reason the Meher was not fixed, then the man will have to pay according to what he can
afford (2:236).
(D) If the reason for the divorce, is a woman's lewd behaviour then a part of the
'Meher' may be withheld (2:19). Obviously, a court would decide on this.
(E) As has been mentioned earlier, if a man wants to keep his marriage going but the
woman insists on separation, then a portion of her Meher would stand forfeited (2:229).
This, too, would be fixed by a court.
5. Iddat
The specified period of time during which a divorced or widowed woman cannot marry is
called 'Iddat'. (As it has been stated earlier, during the Iddat period of the first or
second divorce she can marry her former husband). This duration of Iddat is as follows:
1. (a) A divorced woman's 'Iddat' is the time spanning her three monthly periods
(2:228). This is the reason why the divorce is to be effected after a woman's menstrual
cycle is over, so that it is then easy to count the period of Iddat (65:1).
(b) For those women who have had natural menopause, or who due to some illness do not
have their monthly periods, the duration of Iddat would be three calendar months instead
of three monthly periods (65:4).
(c ) A pregnant woman's Iddat is till the birth of her baby (65:4). At the time of the
divorce, these women should inform that they are pregnant (2:228).
(d) There is no Iddat for a woman who has been divorced before the consummation of her
marriage (33:49).
2. A widow's Iddat is a period of four months and ten days (2:234). There is no
separate law for a pregnant widow, but since the Iddat for a divorce is till delivery
(65:4), it can be inferred that even a pregnant widow's Iddat will be till the time of
childbirth.
3. During Iddat a divorcee's upkeep, board, lodging and maintenance would be the
responsibility of her ex-husband, and her lifestyle and standard would be the same as she
used to have as a married woman (2:241;65:1;65:7). However, if she has been wayward, then
the divorce immediately ends her husband's responsibility (65:1).
4. For a widow, at least one year's maintenance and board and lodging is necessary and
should be provided for in the man's will (2:240); but if she goes somewhere else of her
own free will, then this would be the end of such a responsibility (2:240).
5. During the period of Iddat Nikah cannot be performed, although there is no
restriction on negotiating for it (2:235).
6. Inheritance
The economic system which The Quran wants to establish has no room for hoarding wealth
or accumulating properties. In this system everyone contributes to the best of his or her
ability, and it is then responsibility of the system to cater to the needs of the society
and its dependents. However, until such a system gets established (and even when it is
established, then whatever a person has), The Quran has given guidelines for the
distribution of wealth and properties. Precisely, the guidelines are the following:
1. It is mandatory on everyone to write a will for his or her inheritance. This should
cover all the inheritance, and could be for all who are to inherit (2:240). Surah Al-Maida
has given detailed directions for the writing of a will. (5:106)
2. Upon death, the debts of the deceased are to be paid first. After that, his
inheritance would be divided according to his or her will (4:11-12).
3. If something is still left over after paying the debts and distributing according to
the will, or if person dies without making a will, then his inheritance would be divided
in accordance with what is written in The Quran. This explains the share belonging to men
and women (4:7).
4. The mode of division is that at first the husband's or wife's share is to be
separated, followed by rest of the recipients.
5. If a man dies childless then his wife will get one-fourth of the inheritance. If
they have children then the wife gets one-eighth (4:12). Similarly, if a woman dies
childless then the husband would get one-half of her inheritance, but if she has children
then he would receive one-fourth share (4:12). In case of Kalalah, other directions apply
(4:12;4:176), but as this is a technical mater, it is not discussed here.
6. Son's share is equal to twice that of a daughter (girl one-third, boy two-third). If
there are two or more than two daughters (and no son) then they all will share two-third.
If there is one daughter then she will get half. If the deceased had children then each of
his/her parents will get one-sixth. If there are no children and the parents are to
inherit, then the mother's share would be one-third, and if there are brothers, then the
mother would get one-sixth (4:11).
Note: Only salient features of inheritance have been briefly mentioned here. A
lengthily discussion would be required for the details, and this cannot be done here. The
division of inheritance is a technical matter which requires a full knowledge of all the
directives.
7. The provision concerning the maintenance for a widow for a period of one year, has
been mentioned earlier (2:240).
7. Progeny
1. Children have been made a source of great attraction for human beings (3:14).
2. However, if humans start resorting to illegal actions for the love of their
children, this very same affection then becomes a stumbling block in the fulfillment of
the duties enjoined by God. As such, offspring who had been a boon, becomes a bane (8:28).
Since the offsprings are connected to humans only in this worldly life (3:14), they cannot
help in anyway when it comes to abide by the laws enjoined by God (58:17). Therefore
wherever one faces a clash between following God's laws and one's offsprings, then one
should forsake children and hold tightly onto God's laws (60:1-40). One has to
disassociate with the children who revolt against God's laws. In this respect the example
of the son of Noah is significant. His unwholesome actions earned this remark from The
Quran:
He is not from amongst you (11:46-47).
This does not refer only to children. Even if there is a conflict about siding with
one's mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife or other family members, and
following the laws of God, one should always give preference to the latter (9:24).
3. A healthy, strong and normal baby is a gift form God (7:189-190). An intelligent, well
spoken, pious and loving child, the one who follows the laws of God and who is
broad-minded towards his parents, would be a blessing from God (19:12-14).
During the dark ages humans themselves used to kill their children. Even today, in
Australia and may be in some other places, one finds such ancient tribes who kill their
children at birth. (The Mothers - Volume II. By Robert Briffault). The Quran sternly
forbids this barbaric custom:
Do not murder your children for fear of poverty (17:31;6:152).
In Arabic the word 'murder' does not only mean to kill; it also refers to depriving
children of good training and education, and exposing them to superstitions and wrong
ideas. As civilized countries do not literally kill their children, these laws would imply
not suppressing your children's abilities.
Since the dark ages human begins believe that girls are not at par with boys. The Quran
itself, informs about the Arabs:
Whenever anyone of them would get the news that a girl had been born
to him, he would be filled with anger and his face would turn black (16:58).
At another place it has been mentioned:
They used to bury their daughters alive (81:8).
(We rejoice today that such barbaric customs do not exist amongst us; but the way we
consciously get our daughters married where they die a slow and gradual death due to the
maltreatment meted out to them, is this not tantamount to being buried alive)? The Quran
forbade this butchering custom. Hence the respected Messenger of God (PBUH) specially used
to take a pledge from women for not resorting to this vile custom (60:12).
The Quran says quite clearly that boys and girls are born according to His law.
Therefore, it should never be thought of the boys that they are a blessing of God, and
that poor girls are a bolt from the blue.
Girls are born to some according to the laws of God and boys are born to some according
to His Laws. Some people get both sons and daughters, and some do not get any children
(42:49-50).
All this happens under God's law of nature. Therefore, girls should not be thought of
as a botheration, and nor should those who do not have any children heave sighs of
deprivation.
The nurturing of offspring is the responsibility of both the parents, but in this
respect the mother plays a far more important role than the father. The right time for the
training of a child is when it is still a baby in his mother's lap. Some psychologists for
instance Dr. Adler and Dr. Jung, have specially studied child psychology, and the gist of
their research is that whatever a child is going to be when it grows it becomes when still
a babe in its mother's lap. Later, education only reinforces the building that has already
been made. That is why The Quran has exempted a woman from earning her economical needs,
so that she can devote her full time and attention to this basic duty. Mothers who do not
perform this duty conscientiously, not only have delinquent children but are guilty of
ruining their society; since ruining children, leads to the destruction of society itself.
It should be well understood that for developing the character of children it is
absolutely necessary that there is complete congruity and harmony between the husband and
wife. In the home which has upheavals between husband and wife, the children can never be
trained properly. The Britannica Book of 1956, after citing various different statistics,
concludes that those children who become criminals at an early age, are mostly those who
have been brought up in an unhappy home with an incongruent and inharmonious family. This
makes it quite clear why The Quran emphasizes a completely harmonious marital life.
Being criminals is just one aspect of the whole picture. If we conduct proper research
on the idiosyncrasies that are seen in older people, we would find that the basic reason
is the unwholesome environment in which they were raised. A mother's weaknesses contribute
more to it, and especially if the children have been deprived of her love, or that of both
parents, they suffer form complex psychological disorders.
8. Nursing a Child (Breast feeding)
The Quran has not ordained as to how long babies should be breasted. The circumstances
would be the deciding factor in this respect. It has been mentioned, by the way, in Surah
Al-Ahqaf that a mother first keeps the baby in her womb; then breast feeds; and all this
takes about two and a half years (42:15). In certain cases, however, the fixing of a
period for breast-feeding is a legal necessity. For instance, if a man divorces his wife
and she is still breast-feeding the baby, then according to The Quran rearing the baby is
the father's responsibility, and if the father dies then it is the responsibility of his
inheritors (2:233). It has been directed that if they mutually agree that the child's
mother herself should breast-feed the baby, then he would have to pay her. In this
situation, the period could be of two years (2:233), but if with mutual consent they want
to wean the baby before-hand, then they can also do so (2:233). He can also arrange for a
surrogate mother for breast feeding, instead of the real mother (2:233; more in 3:14;
65:6), (The legality of the period can be understood from this example. If a man dies and
his widow keeps on breast-feeding the baby, then she can claim compensation through the
court from his successors. However, this will be till the child is two years old, and not
beyond.
The Quran does not give any directives regarding the custody of the children, when the
husband and wife are divorced. This issue would be decided by the court according to the
circumstances of each individual case. The guiding principle is to decide who can
administer the correct training and education to the children. The emotions of the parents
will also have to be taken into consideration. If the husband and wife sever their
relationship, it does not mean that they have also broken their emotional link with their
children.
9. Polygamy (More than one wife)
1. This subject has been kept towards the end, because it is the most important and
there is considerable misunderstanding prevalent in our society about it. It is generally
accepted and acted upon according, that a Muslim male can marry up to four times, whenever
he desires. This idea is completely repugnant to The Quran. In normal circumstances The
Quran allows one wife only. If it is not possible to continue with this wife, as has been
explained under the heading of 'Divorce', then the man can marry again; but not in her
presence. In Surah An-Nisa it says:
If you want to bring in another wife in place of your first, then you should pay
full (dowry) Meher to your first wife, and only then bring in another in her place (4:30).
This makes it quite clear that the second wife can fill the place vacated by the first,
but she cannot come in her presence.
In accordance with The Quran it should be quite clear, that you should not divorce your
first wife just because you want to bring in another. The Quran gives specific directives
for divorce, which have been mentioned in the chapter titled Talaq (Divorce). Nowhere in
this chapter has The Quran allowed you to divorce the first wife, if you want to bring in
another wife.
2. We have mentioned above that under normal circumstances The Quran allows one wife
only. This presupposes that special circumstances may rise under which you could marry a
second time in the presence of your first wife. The Quran itself has explained such
circumstances in Surah An-Nisa (4:3).
This verse has four parts and their translations are as follows:
(i) The first part is: And if you fear it will not be possible to find out an equitable
solution of the problem of widows and orphans in the society… In Arabic
"Yatama" means the children whose fathers have died, as well as those young
women who are without husbands. They could be widows or unmarried young women who cannot
get husbands. A little further ahead The Quran has used the words "Yatamun-Nisa"
with these meanings (4:127).
This verse specifically refers to the circumstances in which you are afraid that you
would be unable to fairly address the problem of orphans or women without husbands. In
other words, you would not be able to fulfil justly their needs, which they deserve or
have a right to. The meaning of their verse is quite clear. If in a state of emergency
(like for instance after a war when a great number of young men have been killed), the
conditions in a society are such that there a number of orphaned children and young women
are left without husbands, then the law governing marriage to one wife is relaxed
temporarily.
(ii) In second part it is said that if such a situation arises: then marry from amongst
them those who seem suitable, by twos, threes or fours (as the situation demands).
You marry women you like out of these, and thus absorb them into your family. In case
of widows, their children, too, are included. This is the just treatment for them. If this
problem can be solved by marrying two wives then marry two; if you can do it with three
then marry three; or in the same manner you may marry four.
(iii) That was a social decision. As an individual, the relaxation is allowed to only
that person who can do justice to all of them. If he cannot be just, then despite the
emergent conditions, he should have one wife only.
With reference to justice, it should be understood that psychologically it is impossible
to love each wife equally. No matter how much you want to, you cannot do this type of
justice, (What to talk about your first wife who has been your life long companion then
this woman whom you are now bringing home not because you hate your wife but because you
have to respond to the collective need of society and therefore make her a part of your
family) (4:149). But you must do this (4:129), that you should not tilt to one side only,
and neglect the other.
(iv) The fourth part is: but if you fear that you will not do justice then marry only
one (4:3). Here the word "Tauolu" has two meanings. One 'being unjust', and the
other is 'being burdened' by the expenses of too big a family. Therefore when The Quran
directs that if you cannot do justice, then keep the principle of one wife, the aim of
this directive is firstly not to be unjust to one and secondly not be weighed down too
much by the responsibility of looking after two families.
3. The above dissertation makes it quite clear that according to The Quran:
(i) Law allows only one wife at a time. (Monogamy)
(ii) On the other hand, if a society is faced with a state of emergency where too many
orphaned children and many women are left without husbands, then to solve such a
collective difficulty, one way is to make a temporary exception to the rule of one wife.
If it was only the problem of orphan children then other solutions could be considered.
But the problem is that of women of marriageable age and these Muslim women cannot marry
non-Muslims. They have to be absorbed by Muslim homes. What else can be done other than
allowing a family to have more than one wife. It is obvious that this permission is a
collective issue and not that of an individual. Only the society can decide whether they
have such emergent conditions or not.
(iii) Even in the state of emergency, only that man will be allowed to have more than
one wife who
(a) can give just treatment to all of them; and
(b) can afford to justly provide for these families. (In a Quranic society, this would
be the responsibility of the society, but until such a system is established, it will
remain the responsibility of individuals).
If any one of these conditions is not fulfilled, then the law of one wife will remain
in force. If there is no such collective emergency in the society, or even if the state of
emergency exists but the man cannot do proper justice or afford to look-after so many
family members, then he is not allowed second wife.
These are the extraordinary circumstances under which The Quran allows more than one
wife. Otherwise The Quran does not permit the bringing in of a second wife, while the
first is already there.
10. Concubines
1. Our people do not stop at four wives only. They extend it further. According to our
customary religion, besides four wives, a Muslim man can keep innumerable concubines and
whenever he wants, he can sell them to someone else. These matters are completely
repugnant to The Quran.
According to The Quran neither a man nor a woman is to be enslaved. To The Quran
every human being is to be respected (17:70).
2. At the advent of Islam, like in the rest of the world, slavery was prevalent among
Arabs, too. Prisoners of war were turned into slaves by them. When they embraced Islam,
they already had such slaves and concubines in their homes. If Islam had ordered them all
out, then there would have been chaos in the society. Hence such laws were established by
which they were gradually either free or made part of the family.
Whatever laws The Quran contains about slaves, are intended for these slaves who were
already present in society. "Ma Malakat Aimanukum" means those who are already
in your possession. This is stated in the past tense, meaning something that has been done
before.
All the above concerned slaves and counbines who were already present in the society.
For the future, The Quran completely closed the door on slavery. This was how it was done.
For prisoners of war, the order was quite clear. The Quran says that after over powering
them: either be gracious to them and let them go, or else take ransom and let them free
(47:4).
After this order, the presence of slaves in homes has been completely ruled out.
Therefore, the keep of concubines in homes is going blatantly against The Quran.
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