Twelfth Letter to Tahira
My dear daughter Tahira, your question is quite correct and proper in its own right. We
are always perplexed by the problem that wherever they are inhabiting this earth, Muslims
are poor and destitute and compared to non-Muslim, they are weak and lowly. They are
degraded and depended. You have observed that our homes are devoid of peace and
tranquillity. There is no unity and friendship. There is neither cohesion nor harmony.
Husbands and wives do not love and respect each other. There is no trust or faith. In
short, our homes are like hell that engulfs the minds of people living in them. You are
asking the reason for this, and you are justified in doing so. After all, what causes
this? My dear, the reason for this condition is the same that causes our collective
backwardness and poverty. Collective life and individual life are two branches of the same
tree. On one side are civilization, society, economics and politics while on the other
side are friendly relationships and life inside our homes. All these are the branches,
stems and leaves of the same tree. If the tree is healthy and strong then all its branches
will flourish, but if its roots are moth-eaten, then collectively and individually its
leaves and branches cannot possibly be green and healthy. Just as it is impossible for a
tree to have a healthy trunk and roots, but have wilting branches and leaves, in the same
way it is impossible for an unhealthy tree to have strong, green and shiny branches. As
far as our collective life is concerned, I have been explaining this fact many times (in
my book "Reasons for Decline of Muslims") that the basic cause is 'religion'
which we have wrongly adopted in place of the true way of life called 'Deen of Allah'
(values of life contained in the Quran). Turning towards our home life, the reason for it
being hellish is the man-made 'divine-law' Sharia that keeps us tied down on all four
sides. Muslims are a religion obsessed nation, and such nations are quite strange.
Deen and Religion
Deen means that we should accept certain permanent values (which mean eternal truths),
and no matter what the world says or does, these remain immutable values. If these are the
values that Allah has given for the guidance of humanity, then to practice and accept them
as immutable, would spell that nation's superiority, welfare and prosperity in life.
Moreover, the countries that have dealings with such a nation would also remain in peace
and tranquillity. Such a nation would be considered as a true follower of 'Deen of Allah',
but if it were to adopt man-made laws as immutable principles then its life would become
hell. Further, as a nation it would be degraded and become inconsequential for others. The
latter would be known as a religious nation. We have forsaken the Deen of Allah and are
observing the restrictions of 'religion', which is producing the expected results. This is
neither unnatural, nor extraordinary, nor surprising, nor alarming. It had been surprising
if it would not have resulted in this. If you sow thorns then you get a tree full of
thorns and that's nothing to be surprised about. It would, however, be surprising if it
would start producing grapes. Now shall I tell you the difference that you have asked for,
between "Deen" and "Religion", and how forsaking "Deen" and
adhering to "religion" has made our homes a hell.
Firstly, you have cited the example of Arshad's home. Despite all amenities that house
is devoid of peace. It is like a hearth in which you are burning damp wooden logs. The
smoke is suffocating everybody. Do you know why?
Early-age Marriage
Arshad got married when he was hardly twelve years of age and was studying in seventh
class. Saghira was nine or ten years old. Saghira is the daughter of the sister of
Arshad's mother. This proposal was finalized by the sisters, (meaning the couple's
mothers,) of their own sweet will. It is so obvious that Arshad and Saghira could not
possibly have exercised their choice at that age. After that Arshad headed for the city,
got his Master degree, passed the competitive examination, and went abroad. On his return
he was immediately assigned to the post of Assistant Commissioner. Saghira, however,
remained the rustic girl. Now you tell me how this couple would have fared? (It is
actually a misnomer to call them a "Couple") The question is, why did this
happen? This happened because marriages are solemnized under traditional "religious
law". Leave alone children of ten or twelve years, by this law children of even
twelve or ten months could be married; and this marriage would be considered justified and
right. Now, who would object to something that has been declared lawful by this 'law'?
Contrary to this, 'Deen' (Quranic Law) states that the age of marriage is when the person
is an adult. That means that no marriage can be performed unless and until the boy and the
girl are both adults. Further, it is specified that adulthood is not the only condition.
Rather, Nikah (Matrimony) is a contract in which the consent of both the parties is
absolutely necessary. It is obvious that when a contract of this kind is executed with
choice and consent, then both parties would consider the disposition, education,
shortcomings, upbringing, surroundings, habits, character and everything else about each
other, and then decide. If our self-made 'law' were not the criterion, then it would have
been impossible to get Arshad and Saghira married at the age of twelve and ten
respectively. When they would have grown up, Arshad would have married according to his
choice. Similarly, Saghira would have been married somewhere else more suited to her
surroundings. There would have been better chances of compatibility and harmony.
Do you understand how this problem becomes more complex according to "Deen"
and "Religion". Now take another example. Humayun and Riffat's home life was so
enviable. They were both happy and harmonious. But did you see how when Humayun went
abroad, Riffat was sad and morose all the time. Riffat did not suspect Humayun's
integrity. She trusted him completely. But she was disturbed by the thought of his
bringing another wife. What would happen then?
Second Wife
Riffat thought of this because she knew that our 'religious laws' have given the man
the right to marry a second (third or even a fourth) wife; any time he likes. He would not
be reprimanded either socially or morally. This was the thought that bothered her again
and again, and she was being corroded by it from within. It was not morally incorrect to
express such fears, which she did on the insistence of one or two of her friends. Out of
concern one of them even wrote to Humayun to beware of any such traps, for it would hurt
Riffat mortally. When he came back, he was furious. When I asked the reason for his anger,
he said, "Uncle, Riffat has degraded me. Why did she suspect me? How could she
possibly have such baseless thoughts? Is this how she judged me after ten years of
companionship? She has disgraced me and branded me untrustworthy". I heard all that
with patience, and tried to divert his attention and calm him down.
You have known that Humayun never touched liquor, and never smoked. Two or three days
after this incident, he was sitting with Hamed. Hamed took out his cigarette case, picked
one cigarette himself and then smilingly forwarded the case towards Humayun. Humayun, too,
smilingly took out one and, both of them lighted their cigarettes. After Hamed left, I
confronted Humayun "You are a man of character and are a good follower of the Sharia
(religion), but your smoking today has proved how hollow you are". He looked at me
with surprise, and said, "Uncle, what are you saying? Smoking is not forbidden
religiously or morally. I do not smoke because it is not my habit, but it is not forbidden
like 'drinking'. Therefore, if I just picked up a cigarette, or even if I start smoking
regularly, how does that sully my character. Uncle, you have said such a strange thing
today. You never used to talk like that". I softly said, "Sorry, please do not
mind me, I wanted to understand one thing which I have now comprehended. What you have
said (suggests) that something which is not forbidden by 'religious law' is not considered
wrong morally or socially, and if you felt inclined to do it sometimes, then it was all
right to do so. You regard it neither a sin, crime or shame, and nor do you shrink from
it". He said, "Quite right, that is how I understand it". This made me
remark: "Sorry, our existing 'religious law' allows a man to marry again any time he
likes. It is neither a sin nor crime. Neither is it morally or socially shameful nor
regretful or regrettable. You adhere to this 'religious code': So if I believe that you
would marry again, anytime you like, is that an assault on your character or morals"?
Humayun is very understanding person, and obedient too. On hearing this he lowered his
gaze and putting his head on his palm, he sank into deep thought. After a while he lifted
his head and, in complaint, asked: "Uncle, just tell me, why did Riffat suspect me. I
was shocked and felt hurt". I replied, I am sorry, but Riffat is not at fault. In our
society every woman has this kind of suspicion. She is always apprehensive of that unknown
moment when her husband would bring along another wife. Normally such apprehension remains
suppressed, but if her husband goes to a place where there are more possibilities for this
to happen (as in your case that you went abroad) then the concern becomes more imminent.
This makes a woman feel helpless, and moreover she feels the pangs of rivalry. Like every
decent woman a faithful wife is always like that in respect of her husband. A Persian
couplet reads:
I do not like your shadow. I adore you but I have thousand suspicions.
These are the sentiments under which a woman's mind works; which we men call,
suspicion, apprehension, lack of trust, and deprivation of character. All this makes us
angry. We should step into a woman's position and then examine the condition of our heads
and hearts. Humayun kept on hearing all this quietly. At last he said, quite spontaneously
"Riffat forgive me. I was mistaken". I could see tears glistening in his eyes.
Have you noticed, Tahira, how this man-made Sharia (religion) has robbed husbands and
wives of their mutual trust and has turned our homes into hell? But Allah's Deen (Quranic
Law) has not done that. Nowhere has a man been allowed to bring in another wife whenever
he likes, absolutely not. If instead of adhering to traditional 'religion' we had followed
Allah's Deen, then our lives would have been heavenly with mutual trust and faith, rather
than hellish with mistrust and suspicion. Remember, suspicion (whether it is in the
husband's heart, or wife's, and whatever its reason) is a thorn which does not let you
rest for a second. Allah's Deen had eradicated this thorn; but we have forsaken the Deen
and the resultant poisonous wedges are affecting our lives.
Divorce
I have inquired about whatever you had said about Khadija. I had always believed that
Khadija was a good woman. It is impossible that she would steal money from her
housekeeping budget and keep it aside. Hence, what she told me corroborated my idea that
there was some other reason. My dear, the reason is just what I have been writing about
above. On my inquiry she said, "Brother, there is nothing to hide from you. Actually
I do not know what has happened to Sughra's father. Every now and then he snaps and says,
'I will divorce you. You can take the children and go wherever you want to go'. In the
beginning I thought, it was just his hot temper but now I feel he means it. Now I am so
afraid that if one day he actually repeats 'Divorce' three times, what would I do? What
would happen to these children? I do not have any property and there is nobody to look
after me. This apprehension makes me curtail house expenses as much as I can and then
(without his knowledge) I keep it aside. I know that like this, I cannot collect a
substantial amount, but something is better than nothing. When an unfortunate time comes,
at least I would have something with which to care for my children. I myself am afraid of
God, and I know that this would be considered dishonesty. I have already decided that if,
God forbid, I have to see this inopportune time, then I shall tell him (Sughra's father)
that I had collected this amount from his earnings, and he can deduct it from my
dower-money. One never knows whether he will pay the balance or not, but at least my
conscience would be clear before God".
You see Tahira, how a good natured woman like Khadija was forced to do something to
face a possible danger? Also imagine how a woman who is so apprehensive about her future,
can spend her life in peace? If this is how a husband and wife's so called mutual trust
is, how could that home have peace and tranquillity? This condition is not that of Khadija
only, most wives in our society are apprehensive all the time. According to a poet,
Now the captor takes the knife, and now the door of the cage opens.
Why, because she knows that according to Sharia a man has the full right to, without
assigning any reason, pronounce "divorce" three times verbally, and he can leave
his wife. Just think my dear, if in a society a woman has that sword dangling over her
head all the time, could the life in the homes in that society, be any the less hellish?
Criticism On Islam
You might say that whatever I have written above, exposes even Islam to quite a few
serious objections. Since Islam legitimizes these things, then the destruction of society
or making home-life hell, is not the responsibility of men, but of Islam itself which has
given such licenses to men. If Islam had in fact given such rights to men, then your
objection would have been correct. But (as I have written many times) Islam has given no
such power to men. These licenses have been issued by the 'Sharia' that was fabricated
later. The Quran does not allow such things. The Quran does not permit the marriage of a
minor. For Nikah (marriage), it is essential to be an adult. The Quran legitimizes a
marriage only when it is with the consent of both the boy and the girl. According to the
Quran, Nikah is a contract for which the basic condition is the consent of the boy and the
girl. It does not allow any man to marry twice, thrice or four times, whenever he likes.
Polygamy has been suggested as an emergency measure which has to be decided upon by the
Islamic Government. The Quran does not allow a man to divorce a woman any time he wishes.
It suggests a proper and legal channel to cancel the contract of marriage, and both sides
have the right to negotiate. But the decision has to be executed by a court of law. Now
you tell me, can Islam be criticized in any way?
Early History of Islam
You say that the clergy quotes God's Messenger (PBUH) and his companions in favour of
the Sharia. Incidents of their times are highlighted as showing that what they relate to
must be the same in those times. I have written about it before (in a previous letter) as
to which principles should guide us when we study the history of our early period. This is
so clear:
- The messenger of God (PBUH) led his own life in the light of Quranic principles.
- Each and every word of the Quran is retained carefully and safely with us.
- The history of the Nabi's (PBUH) time was compiled many centuries later.
Under these circumstances, we can clearly see the principle that whatever meets our eye
about the Nabi (PBUH) in history, surely only that which does not go against the Holy
Quran would be correct. If we come across something going against the Quran, then surely
we can surmise without any reservations that it is incorrect. It has to be so because the
Messenger of God (PBUH) could not act against the Quran. Such contrary episodes should be
researched more. If more research is not possible, then it should be understood that
either the incident happened before the law of the Quran was revealed, or else it is
totally baseless and incorrect. For example, in favour of a minor's marriage, it is quoted
that the Nabi (PBUH) married Ayesha® when she was six years old, but congruency of
certain events shows this to be wrong. Ayesha® was at least sixteen or seventeen years
old at the time of her marriage. The same applies to his other wives. These marriages were
solemnized to tackle an emergent situation. I have mentioned about it in a previous
letter.
Where divorce is concerned, I have written in my previous letters as to how to execute
it. I do not feel the need to repeat it here. However, I do feel that the verse of the
Quran, where the three divorces have been mentioned, needs elucidation. According to the
Quran, the stating of three Divorces has a particular meaning: When all necessary steps
have been taken in accordance with the Quranic injunctions and a divorce is the final
solution, only then can the husband and wife separate. This is called the first 'divorce'.
After this, if they so wish, they can remarry. If after becoming a husband and wife for
the second time, they get divorced again, this would be the second 'divorce'. They are
allowed again to marry. But if a divorce follows again for the third time, then they
cannot get remarried. The woman can marry another man only. (This restriction aside from
the point that if her new husband dies or divorces her, then she can remarry her previous
or first husband). This is what Quran means by 'three divorces'.
Now let us examine the sayings (Ahadith) attributed to the Nabi (PBUH) in this respect.
Certain traditions state that 'three divorces' mean divorcing once every month, for three
months, so much so that final divorce is complete after the third month. Other traditions
state that you pronounce the 'three divorces' at the same time and this completes the
divorce procedure. Along with this we also see the following tradition, too:
Rikana®, one of the Nabi's companions, divorced his wife during the Nabi's time. The
Nabi (PBUH) made them reconcile and they remarried. He divorced his wife for the second
time during Omer® the second righteous caliph. The third time he divorced her during the
reign of Usman®, the third righteous caliph. (Mishkat, chapter Khula and Divorce,
reference Abu Daud, Tirmizi, Ibn-Maja and Darmi).
This tradition shows that Rikana® divorced his wife for the first time during the
Nabi's time. After which they got married again. The second time, divorce took place
during Omer's® period, following which they got married again. The third divorce, took
place during Usman's® reign. After this Rikana's wife could not re-marry him. Since this
method of divorce is congruent with the Quranic injunctions, we can surmise that this
tradition is authentic.
Have you pondered Tahira, as to what the Quranic criterion of judging the authenticity
of traditions is? You should judge all historical incidents according to the Quranic
standard, and only those that corroborate should be considered authentic. Under this
principle, whatever is being observed by 'traditional religion' and what is against the
Quran, should never be attributed to the Nabi (PBUH). We will have to admit that all this
was fabricated much later. We should endeavour to replace this 'religion' which was
fabricated later with the Deen which God revealed in the Quran, and which was practised by
the Nabi (PBUH) and his worthy companions. This Deen can never have those tangles that
have been mentioned in those heart-rending incidents.
Condition of Modern Homes
This is the state of our "old fashioned homes". Where modern homes are
concerned, they are even worse off. The only difference is that in the conservative homes
their plight consumes their peace inwardly, and disrupts their contentment like
tuberculosis. But in the modern homes this malady paralyses visibly, displays itself like
a flaming fire. These modern homes are specimens of blind adherence of the practices of
the West. What happened in the West (Christianity, like our man-made Sharia) is that woman
revolted as a reaction to suppression she had undergone for centuries. The fire of revenge
engulfed her in such a way that she became embodiment of rebellion and defiance! Our women
took this as civilized behaviour and started emulating the same trends. The first result
of this was that married life deteriorated into business concern. In this
"business" a husband and wife's married life is like that of two partners in a
shop. As long as it is beneficial to both, they keep it going, but when some other
business looks to be more lucrative, they leave the former and join the latter one. In
this partnership the dominant partner is the wife, because she has conditions written in
the contract with which she keeps her husband under her thumb. As such, in the beginning
this partnership is based on a purely animal level, wherein there is attraction and
nothing higher than indulgence in emotional sex. After sometimes even this relationship
becomes mechanical, and is kept going simply because they want to be recognized by society
as husband and wife. Just think my dear daughter, when a house is erected on these
foundations, can peace and tranquillity ever enter it? Remember my dear, domestic peace,
harmony, real love and understanding can only develop in husband and wife when firstly, we
are able to dispense with our man-made shackles which have tied down women for centuries;
and on the other hand give up the immodest exposure which we have adopted by blindly aping
the West. Thereafter, our marriage institution should be regulated by God-made
restrictions. This would help us lead lives of true freedom, so that our houses would
become real heavenly abodes.
Stagnation of Woman
Finally, I want to say something especially to you. In those homes where women are not
haunted by "another wife or divorce" due either to the righteous thinking of
their husbands are the women's ideal upbringing, and where men do not feel like they are
living in a hotel, there is another problem which faces them. The responsibility of this
problem that depletes a home of its peace that is ultimate aim of married life, lies with
our virtuous and simple women. When Abid and Zahida got married, they were more or less of
the same educational background. Their temperaments, too, were compatible. Their
lifestyle, too, was almost the same. Hence everybody was satisfied about this marriage and
thought that the couple would remain happy and compatible. For some time they kept
marching together, happily and contented, after sometime, however, a rift started becoming
evident. Gradually their difference of opinion turned into such a gaping rift, that nobody
could believe that they had ever been compatible. The reason was that Abid kept expanding
his knowledge and information, and worked hard to develop his tastes and mind.
Consequently he kept progressing, while Zahida remained stuck to her grounds like a statue
of stone. Abid tried hard to make her move from her place and to encourage her, but to no
avail. She remained static. She was capable of progressing and keeping Abid's company, but
what was needed was for her to feel its importance and to work hard for it like him.
However, she never endeavored to do that. She always consoled herself by saying that God
had endowed Abid with special head and heart, and that everybody could not be like him.
"Moreover he does not have anything else to do, except reading and writing every day
and night. But I have a hundred and one things to do. I, too, should either act like a
fashionable woman, leaving the house to servants and becoming a bookworm or else I should
look after the house. Only one thing out of these two options can be done. I prefer
looking after the house. I do not have to study for a competitive examination, so that I
could get a good job".
But as I have said above, this was a false consolation. It left only two options.
Either (as it generally happens with us) Abid should have stopped progressing and have
himself chained down like Zahida, or develop his potentialities and move ahead. He did the
latter. The result was that after sometime he had gone so much ahead that the two life
partners became poles apart. He loved Zahida, so he kept on urging her at every step, but
Zahida was not willing to move even a single step. What this distance would entail was so
obvious, but Abid was so noble that he did not let this develop into a collision. However,
he could not be happy with the broken harmony. In the quiet moments of his life, he used
to say to me, "I sometimes think that this bargain of mine, that is coming a long way
ahead instead of being bogged down with Zahida is one of profit and loss. But I cannot
decide conclusively. No body can fully feel my loss, so who can say how this bargain has
been". Just think my daughter, what Abid's life would have been if Zahida had taken
courage to do something. Not just Abid's life, but Zahida's, too, would have been
different. I have said this last thing, because it has a lesson for you, too.
That's all. May God be with you!
Parwez
September 1956
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